Invasion of the Looney Birds

There were all kinds of idiots running around Salem last week. Unfortunately my favorite couple were a pair of them: Steve and Kayla. First Kayla wants Steve committed then she doesn't. Steve wants Kayla to turn him in for domestic violence after he tried to choke the life outta her when he was dreaming about choking EJ but she refuses. OK. Why doesn't he turn himself in??? Instead he goes right to EJ and pretty much says, "Here I am! Do with me what you will!" IJIT!!!! Which is to kidnap John from the hospital. Then Kayla calls Marlena who basically told Kayla to just let Steve go because he's not "Steve" anymore but a Dimera Pawn. Now that was TOTALLY stupid because HELLO? has Marlena NOT been fighting for John all this time even though the doctors keep telling her there's no hope? She refuses to put him in a nursing home and is totally convinced they communicate through her dreams and yet here she is telling Kayla that Steve is crazy and there's nothing she can do about it so just move on. IJIT! The whole stealing John from the hospital was stupid too because Steve disguising himself as a doctor was just silly. Yeah, "Hello, I'm your doctor with one eye and I'll be operating on your spleen today!" Dr. Patch at your service. My question is how did John not just die right there after Steve took him off all the life support?? Maybe John is the Six-Million Dollar Man in disguise.

The lunacy of the Shawn/Belle/Phil the Psycho continues with Shawn and the girls jumping overboard into a lifeboat. HAHAHAHA. Yeah. Right. I must say that Shawn looked really good in the stolen uniform. Probably the only thing I've agreed with Willow on. And yep, Phil has become Numero Uno Psycho cause he dangles Willow over the side of the ship after she gives him too much lip. On one hand, I was like, eh just go ahead and drop her but then on the other, I kinda felt sorry for her. And for somebody who's "pregnant" and supposedly already showing, that was quite a tight little nothing of a dress she had on. Actually it looked like she forgot to put a dress on and was just prancing around in her underwear. And I really hate all that pork chop lip gloss she wears. I swear I can just imagine her gnawing on a ham bone and getting the greasy lips. BLEEEEH. After Phil dangling Willow over the side just for her being lippy, I was shocked that he didn't rocket her to outer space when he found out that she saw Shawn and the girls leave and did nothing to stop them. That whole lifeboat joyride didn't last long cause the misfit Brady family washes up on some island shore and all I can think about is Blue Lagoon but unfortunately there's no permed Christopher Atkins running down the beach just in a loin cloth. Instead we have Belle running around like a banshee because she LOST Claire in the OCEAN. I have to admit that I truly felt her pain but I'm also sitting there wondering why that kind of dramatics because when Shawn finally finds Claire whom he claims was "just sitting there in a pile of sand playing", we all know in reality there is NO WAY a 12 month old baby could have survived the riptides they kept referring to in between Belle's screeching. But all's well that ends well. Oops. Nope. We suddenly get, "Shawn! She's BLEEEEEEEEEEDING!" Good Lord. How much can this poor kid be put through with her incompetent parents? Claire was really pitiful with her limp hair bow and she's being all fussy and I'm sure it's because she's thinking, "Why must I have such tortured life?" Of course it was a superficial cut and Shawn (who has been nothing but completely calm and collected the duration of this idiotic journey) fixes her up and is trying to start a fire while Belle screams and screeches, "Her lips are turning BLUUUUUE!" and this was after she wanted to put Claire in the water to stop her finger from bleeding. I wish Belle's lips would turn blue and fall off cause I'm tired of hearing her dramatics.

I thought it was awesome how Celeste confronted Sami on the speeding ticket with the attached picture of Sami and EJ and Sami confessed everything to her and Celeste was there to comfort and support her. Now, if Sami would've just done that with Lucas. If I was writing this show, I would've had the part where Lucas is badgering Sami about why she has this "irrational" fear of EJ and instead of her lame excuse, she would've blurted out, "Because he RAPED me! That's why! He raped me in exchange for helping me save your life at the cabin!" Now, that would've knocked the socks off Lucas and totally foiled any plan of Kate's doing to break them up. But instead we get the usual drippy soap excuses that in the end will be Sami's undoing instead of EJ's. For all of EJ's evil ways though, he still amuses me. I loved how he stole Sami's trash but very unimpressed that this was the only way he could figure out she's pregnant. And once again, I'm lost in the Lucas employment vortex. Now EJ's offering him a month off and use of his private jet for Sami and Lucas's honeymoon. I'm assuming now he officially works for Mythic. I had to laugh though when Lucas told EJ about his reluctance in working with his "old lady" now that he's disowned her once again and EJ's like, "I'll keep her in line." now that's a switch. Yeah, Kate tried once again to convince Lucas that Sami had help in saving his life -- specifically EJ's help but Lucas got acid ingestion from all her tripe and told her to get lost. Hmm. I think that makes the 247th time he's done that.

Boy, Chelsea sure is Miss Holier Than Thou. Nick makes one little mistake and she refuses to hear him out, forgive him and give him a chance to make amends. How soon we forget what a biotch we were only 2 months ago and what it felt like to be ostracized and hated (for good reason on her account though). Talk about the huge dutch oven stove calling the 2 quart sauce pan BLACK. I think it's really gross how she was totally using that Dr. Rebert to make Nick jealous. That's what she did to Max all the time and look where it got her with him. Dr. Rebert unfortunately turns out to be Dr. Creep who preys on young thangs. I loved it when Maggie told him to take his "underage" date for a Happy Meal instead of gracing her establishment again. I am getting tired of Nick continually defending Chelsea's idiotic actions. He tries to tell Dr. Rebert to leave Chelsea alone -- that she's not like he thinks -- and Rebert replies by punching him in the gut and saying, "I know. That's why I'm going after her," or something to that effect. Nick is still doubled over when Maggie comes back over and she says something to the effect that "girls aren't impressed by guys who let themselves get punched in the stomach". And Chelsea, being the idiot that she is, gets in Rebert's car and suddenly realizes that he's the Big Bad Wolf getting ready to have him some little Redriding Hood Pie and all I can think of, "Time for Marty McFly to come out and kick some ass". Some writer was watching a lot of 80s flicks while writing these episodes.

So this week we meet a new guy by the name of Jed and he has the unfortunate sense to ask Abbey for help in a class they have together and she snipes at him for not doing his own work even AFTER he explained he'd transferred in late. Ugh. She is still Miss Priss and 1/2. It's also no mystery that this is Willow's college-aged brother who she gave the $10,000 to for his tuition. Looks like another Nicole and Brandon Walker. White Anglo Saxon girl with extremely dark and Latin-esque brother. Yawn. But let me tell you. Ol Jed ain't got nothing on Brandon Walker. Meanwhile, Max and Mimi are over at the police station and Bonnie's confessed to her dad's murder. Blah blah blah. Mimi's got the pork chop greasy lips too. What's with slathering a bucket of lip gloss on these girls? Mimi wants to go back to Max's place but he's all squirmy and says he's got work to do or some such nonsense but when really he's interested in what Abbey's suddenly up to. Geesh. This is so far-fetched. He calls Abbey and leaves a message basically saying he's checking in and misses talking to her. Didn't they just see each other last night? This is all so contrived on his part but we know it's to set up the Jed/Abbey/Max triangle of 2007. Zzzzzzz. Wake me up when it's all over.

(All Pictures courtesy of Days2)